Tuesday, November 22, 2011

* At Home *



Do you think that I have to make another blog? Which focuses mainly about parenting? Because I think that I just have too much information to be shared with readers. I know not every reader is a parent, but still, it is significant. And I am afraid this blog will step by step turn into a parenting blog.

Well, I am not giving any tips or whatsoever which come from my own POV, but I just wanna type (or paste) here anything I have read pertaining to parenting and kids' growth.


Maybe you know that I am a full-time home-manager (as written in 'About Me'), not a house-wife since I am not married to a house. And I can honestly say that I am encouraging other ladies to become one as well. Especially in the early years of our children's lives. I don't say it is wrong to work, indeed, it IS a big sacrifice, but as for me, if you have the choice between to work or not to work (outside home), then it's better not to work and avoid others taking the responsibilities to parent your kids.

I don't say this without any prove, but I made a conclusion based on what I've read (and listened) so far. Books written by Muslims or non-Muslims (specifically: western people), both are directly and indirectly said that the place of a mother is at home and, more importantly, they really stress how much the presence of a mother is very vital for any kids below 5 or 6. In many aspects does the presence play an important role, be it spiritual, emotional, behavioral, self-development, etc.


Currently I am reading a book entitled "The Overload Solution: How to Stop Juggling and Start Living" by Jane Alexander. I haven't even reached half of the book yet, but I think I want to quote some parts of it.

So, what is overload? It is written there:

Overload, as opposed to stress, is the cold, stark reality of having too much on your plate, of having to juggle too many balls, of having a load that is way too heavy for one person to carry-hence overload... 

Okay enough with the definition, I'll straightaway type here (a few lines only) one of the emotional victims of overload:

Overload Victim #2: Children

"Some parents guiltily admit that work is even a refuge from an increasingly chaotic home-life." 

"Studies show that a good nursery can be a positive experience for pre-schoolers, boosting cognitive and social skills, with the proviso that they don't start too young. It's a vital distinction." 

Glenn Doman wrote in his book:

How tragic for our society that too often mother and father work long hours to provide their children with a good material existence. But as a result the tiny child sees very little of his parents when he needs them the most. 

Quality time is good, but there is no substitute for one mother and father for each child. The younger the child is, the more important it is that both quantity of time and quality of time be high. 


I admit that being a young house-wife nowadays is sometimes regarded as obsolete and people always give that weird look as soon as I tell that I am not working outside home. I know, life's needs make it hard for a family to make ends meet if only the father works. But I guess, our society sees that success is measured by how much salary we earn. And having a luxurious life is in the to-be-achieved list for majority of us. I don't condemned it, but we as parents, need to know the priorities in accordance to the time and years of our kids.

So far, I seldom hear positive response when people know that I am not working. When people say to me:

"You are wasting the knowledge you've gained from degree if you don't aim to get good job." 

I answer (in my heart),

"I don't seek knowledge in order to get money as reward." 

Then they say:

"Your husband's wage is enough, that's why you don't work." 

Okay, this is hilarious. Hubby's wage is nothing higher than any other fresh graduates. And I don't think women out there works just because the husbands don't earn much.

You know what is the most common question? Read below:

"What will you and your kids eat if your husband died?"

Pretty sad, isn't it? Maybe they think that all the rezeki is granted by husband and only husband. Okay, if that's the case, I can work then InshaAllah, even from home, even starting from now. Maybe with some difficulties, maybe not. Allah is the sustainer.

Another response from them,

"You can't contribute much to the ummah if you don't work." 

I say (again, in my heart):

"You think raising and teaching our kids to be good muslim/muslimah isn't a contribution to the ummah? Family creates individual, individuals will form the ummah." 

Plus, staying at home never stops you from spreading the knowledge or helping others. I know, sometimes our parents hope that we will get good job, with high pay, maybe as a way to make them feel proud and happy. Alhamdulillah, as for my mom, she said:

"I am okay if you choose not to work. But, do you have any idea on how to make the knowledge you have can reach others? Maybe you can write books?" 

Ah, great idea. There, a dream created. I love you mom!

My oh my, all of these comments and criticisms are bombarding me as if the house-wife profession is something very bad, and wife who chooses to be a stay-at-home mother seems like an irresponsible person for not becoming the 'deputy bread winner'. You think so? Think again. 

p/s: If a woman's expertise is crucially needed in the society e.g. doctor, then maybe it's better for her to work.

p/s/s: Not working doesn't guarantee the success of teaching our kids, indeed, great efforts are still needed, together with correct methods of raising them.

p/s/s/s: If you really want to work, maybe you can watch this video first before making decision on what type of work is suitable as a way to take care of your status as a wife and muslimah. Here. 


Monday, November 21, 2011

* Oceans of Wisdom Part 1*


Here comes the feeling of wanting to write something regarding a part of my beloved IIUM. The most important part, i guess. I was recalling back the names of my lecturers and suddenly thinking of writing something about them. I am going to write brief descriptions, and their words which I remember most (not the syllabus).

Let me start with Malay lecturers:

1. Madam Shafizan Mohamed (Intro to Mass Communication)

She's young and stunning and funny. I remember she said:

It doesn't make sense if you already forgot what you have learnt in your form 5 History subject. You left school only a few years ago! But it is tolerable if I forgot, since I have left school a hundred years ago. 

2. Dr. Nadzirah Mohamad (Sciences of alQuran, Study of alQuran, Methodology of Exegete)

If you watch Tanyalah Ustazah, you might know her. I remember she said:

I am very excited to teach you about tafsir. I just have too much things to share with you (about the wonderful verses in alQuran) but the time constraint stops me from doing so. I wish you know what I know. 


It has been quite some time I wanna tell you this, I see that the muslimat really love talking. (Haha, remember this entry?)

3. Madam Khalifah Sufiah (Bahasa Melayu Lanjutan)

She's very cute! I remember she said:

Is the pendingin hawa functioning? Penghawa dingin is wrong..

4. Dr. Ammar Fadzil (Analytical Exegesis)

Ustaz Fadzil's son. He wrote a book (maybe books) but I forgot what the title is. Something regarding alQuran, in English if I am not mistaken. I remember he said:

Do and (then) see. Not see and do. 

5. Dr. Ismail Mohamad (Islamic Ethics)

Em, what can I say... He's very gentle and never once I saw him putting an angry (or upset) expression during lectures. I remember he said:

I can't recall any words. 

6. Dr. Marzuki Mohamad (Introduction to Political Science)

Ex iium and ANU student. I doubt if he is still in IIUM. I think he's a political analyst now. Oh wait, he is a special officer to Deputy Prime Minister. (Just read it in his FB). He makes me fall in love with political issues, especially because I took this subject during the election 2008. Theories being put into reality, just awesome! I remember he said:

In politic, 2+2 = 2 for you, 2 for me. 

7. Ustazah Nik Hanan (Quranic and Prophetic Texts)

She's from Kelantan. If I am not mistaken, all of her family members are teachers. I remember she said:

The grammatical usage in alQuran is somehow a bit different from ordinary words. 

8. Dr. Abdul Bari Awang (Introduction to Usul Fiqh)

He's funny but his marking is a bit strict. (Okay I didn't get perfect grade for this subject. huhu). He delivers his lectures in a very interesting method, especially with the various examples that he chose. (Examples on fiqh-related issues). I remember he said:

A real estate agent saw our names (and his wife's) with 'Doctor' in it. He thought that we are medical doctors so he showed us a luxurious home, since he guessed we are rich. 

9. Ustaz Mohd Feham Mohd Ghalib (Arabic for Islamic Studies)

He loves to smile. He's a Malay but as far as I can remember, he never spoke in Malay, unlike other Malay lecturers. I remember he said:

I can't recall any words. 

10. Madam Asiah Jusoh (Creative Thinking & Problem Solving)

She's lovely. Her children are all boys and last year (if I am not mistaken) she got a twin! One of her sons is a pro at drawing. I saw his art works and MashaAllah! Super duper great. I remember she said:

We have to follow exactly what the Prophet sollallahu 'alaihi wasallam taught us. 

11. Datin Wan Khuzaimah (Bahasa Melayu Kerjaya)

Very motherly. Her handphone is cute because it got a fluffy key chain there. :D I remembered she said:

Anak-anak... (That's all I can recall. huhu)

12. Ustazah Sofiyyah Shamsuddin (Legislative Verses)

She used to be the head department of AlQuran and AsSunnah studies. A very busy woman and she got a miscarriage once. I remember she said:

This assignment is meant to be hard for you because if it's easy, you won't learn anything. Please remember that people will ask you questions (regarding hukum) and they don't care whether it (the question) is included in your degree syllabus or not. 

13. Madam Aisah (Introduction to Sociology)

My favourite! This is the only Human Science subject which I managed to get solid A. And the reason is this enthusiastic lecturer. :) She is also the reason why I had the intention to do minor in Sociology. (And it remains as intention). I remember she said:

1st here
2nd here
3rd here
4th here

14. Madam Norbani (Revelation as Source of Knowledge)

Oh, my favourite too! Her enthusiasm is really obvious when she's teaching. I remember she said:

When you are in European country, it's very hard for you to explain about Islam because many people there don't believe in God (Atheists), unlike USA. Once I was asked about the reason I am wearing a hijab. I don't think it's enough if I say, "I do it because it's a command from my God", hey, they don't even believe in God's existence! Hijabis really have to be strong in order to survive there. 

15. Ustaz Abdullah Bukhari (Advanced Tilawah 1 & 2)

He got kidney problem. And I heard he already undergo a kidney transplant. I remember many things he said. One of them:

After finishing the Quran talaqqi, then only I realized that my recitation before this is really full with mistakes. When I was young, I did recorded my recitations in a cassette. Now when I listen to it, I am ashamed and said to myself, " This is curry, not Qari!"

16. Ustaz Ramli (Tahfiz)

He's very sporting. Students always came to class late and he is okay with that. =p I remembered he said:

I think it's better if I came late to class since I have to wait for a long time before beginning the tasmi' session, hence doing nothing. Most of you are afraid to come and read the verses in front of me. (This class is mostly for tasmi')

to be continued... (non-Malay lecturers)

~May Allah bless them~

Saturday, November 19, 2011

* In Every Prayer *

Ketika dia jauh dan kau selalu mendoakannya dalam setiap solatmu, itulah yang dinamakan setulus-tulusnya cinta.

-Zahra Khairunnisa