* At Home *

Bismillah.

PARENTING BLOG?

Do you think that I have to make another blog? Which focuses mainly about parenting? Because I think that I just have too much information to be shared with readers. I know not every reader is a parent, but still, it is significant. And I am afraid this blog will step by step turn into a parenting blog.

Well, I am not giving any tips or whatsoever which come from my own POV, but I just wanna type (or paste) here anything I have read pertaining to parenting and kids' growth.

MOM AT HOME- 1 

Maybe you know that I am a full-time home-manager (as written in 'About Me'), not a house-wife since I am not married to a house. And I can honestly say that I am encouraging other ladies to become one as well. Especially in the early years of our children's lives. I don't say it is wrong to work, indeed, it IS a big sacrifice, but as for me, if you have the choice between to work or not to work (outside home), then it's better not to work and avoid others taking the responsibilities to parent your kids.

I don't say this without any prove, but I made a conclusion based on what I've read (and listened) so far. Books written by Muslims or non-Muslims (specifically: western people), both are directly and indirectly said that the place of a mother is at home and, more importantly, they really stress how much the presence of a mother is very vital for any kids below 5 or 6. In many aspects does the presence play an important role, be it spiritual, emotional, behavioral, self-development, etc.

OVERLOAD VICTIM 

Currently I am reading a book entitled "The Overload Solution: How to Stop Juggling and Start Living" by Jane Alexander. I haven't even reached half of the book yet, but I think I want to quote some parts of it.

So, what is overload? It is written there:

Overload, as opposed to stress, is the cold, stark reality of having too much on your plate, of having to juggle too many balls, of having a load that is way too heavy for one person to carry-hence overload... 

Okay enough with the definition, I'll straightaway type here (a few lines only) one of the emotional victims of overload:

Overload Victim #2: Children

"Some parents guiltily admit that work is even a refuge from an increasingly chaotic home-life." 


"Studies show that a good nursery can be a positive experience for pre-schoolers, boosting cognitive and social skills, with the proviso that they don't start too young. It's a vital distinction." 

Glenn Doman wrote in his book:

How tragic for our society that too often mother and father work long hours to provide their children with a good material existence. But as a result the tiny child sees very little of his parents when he needs them the most. 


Quality time is good, but there is no substitute for one mother and father for each child. The younger the child is, the more important it is that both quantity of time and quality of time be high. 

MOM AT HOME- 2 

I admit that being a young house-wife nowadays is sometimes regarded as obsolete and people always give that weird look as soon as I tell that I am not working outside home. I know, life's needs make it hard for a family to make ends meet if only the father works. But I guess, our society sees that success is measured by how much salary we earn. And having a luxurious life is in the to-be-achieved list for majority of us. I don't condemned it, but we as parents, need to know the priorities in accordance to the time and years of our kids.

So far, I seldom hear positive response when people know that I am not working. When people say to me:

"You are wasting the knowledge you've gained from degree if you don't aim to get good job." 

I answer (in my heart),

"I don't seek knowledge in order to get money as reward." 

Then they say:

"Your husband's wage is enough, that's why you don't work." 

Okay, this is hilarious. Hubby's wage is nothing higher than any other fresh graduates. And I don't think women out there works just because the husbands don't earn much.

You know what is the most common question? Read below:

"What will you and your kids eat if your husband died?"

Pretty sad, isn't it? Maybe they think that all the rezeki is granted by husband and only husband. Okay, if that's the case, I can work then InshaAllah, even from home, even starting from now. Maybe with some difficulties, maybe not. Allah is the sustainer.

Another response from them,

"You can't contribute much to the ummah if you don't work." 

I say (again, in my heart):

"You think raising and teaching our kids to be good muslim/muslimah isn't a contribution to the ummah? Family creates individual, individuals will form the ummah." 

Plus, staying at home never stops you from spreading the knowledge or helping others. I know, sometimes our parents hope that we will get good job, with high pay, maybe as a way to make them feel proud and happy. Alhamdulillah, as for my mom, she said:

"I am okay if you choose not to work. But, do you have any idea on how to make the knowledge you have can reach others? Maybe you can write books?" 

Ah, great idea. There, a dream created. I love you mom!

My oh my, all of these comments and criticisms are bombarding me as if the house-wife profession is something very bad, and wife who chooses to be a stay-at-home mother seems like an irresponsible person for not becoming the 'deputy bread winner'. You think so? Think again. 

p/s: If a woman's expertise is crucially needed in the society e.g. doctor, then maybe it's better for her to work.


p/s/s: Not working doesn't guarantee the success of teaching our kids, indeed, great efforts are still needed, together with correct methods of raising them.


p/s/s/s: If you really want to work, maybe you can watch this video first before making decision on what type of work is suitable as a way to take care of your status as a wife and muslimah. Here. 


Wallahua'lam.