That day, I joined a recorded conversation between my friends. Or, I can say that I was a viewer and nothing much, since my voice couldn't be heard at all in that conversation. Well, it was a conversation meant for an assignment. It was not a formal talk, that's why I really enjoy listening to each of the opinions given. Plus, the topic was about something all of us can relate; friendship.
I was only listening to their words, without interrupting (although I was allowed to) or spilling out my own views. That's me, since forever as someone who hides feelings inside, too much words left unspoken, too bad in organizing ideas harmonically, or in sum; a very shy person in term of talking voluntarily.
Indeed, during the conversation happened, I do have thousand of words regarding friendship which I want to share. Some people can recognize it when I have something to say but refuse to, hence the question: "I can see that you have something to say, can you please share it with us?". Teachers and lecturers are very good at this. I think they can read it from my eyes that I have things lingering on my mind and I actually want to say them out loud but the chicken me stops myself from doing so.
I had a good time pondering upon their views about friendship. I still remember that among the early questions asked were:
"What is your view about friendship?"
"What type of friendship do you have at the moment?"
At that time, I really wanna say this:
"...I am a type of person who values friendship so much. Since primary school, I was the one who always try not to break the built relationship though others keep trying to leave it behind or take it for granted. I still remember when I was in standard 6, there was a huge issue of friendship took place.... bla3... " no need to reveal the whole story here. lol.
And another things that I wanna say:
"As I grow up, I can feel that friendship is getting complicated. Maybe the grown-up me, which is 'filled' with so much life problems, wider experience, mix emotions and et cetera makes the friendship more challenging. But the challenges and obstacles that took place are the recipes that make friendship 'taste' better thus valued and appreciated more..."
The story of my life. Unspoken words always haunt me. Days and nights. Yes, it gets me sometimes. It makes me feel regret for hiding the supposed-to-be said words. I can't understand why I am just being irrelevant for letting myself becoming someone with such personal trait. I need to be braver. I am developing myself to be more confident. This negative side really ruins some part of me. I am trying to change. Insha Allah.